When the "nagging feeling" doesn't goes away...
It happens to you every day.
At any place, at any time.
You may feel like it follows you everywhere.
It has become a part of yours.
Whenever you try to do something new, out of your normal monotonous routine, it comes to you & says"Yeah, you cannot do it."
I think it all started when you had our first taste of success.
People started expecting greater things from you. I guess you had started to do it too.
But then, the expectations didn't match the results. So, you took what you got & lowered your expectations.
Everything was "just fine" for sometime until one day it wasn't.
When you thought to ourselves that you had what it takes to make it big," The feeling" was in the background, rubbing its hands together like the devil, whispering "We'll see about that."
Yet again, the devil triumphed & you were let down by yourself.
So, you took up the first thing you got without giving it much thought. Much like a drowning man will clutch at a straw. There you were, in a new city, around new people, without your family. That's when you learnt people had two faces. The one they choose to show you & the one they don't. Every awful encounter with such people took away a piece of you, naive you. So much, that any kindness which came your way did nothing more than what a life jacket does to a wanderer in the desert. They took so many pieces away that you don't even recognize yourself anymore. The nagging feeling didn't leave you alone though.
So, here you are, quizzed about your life choices by strangers, and strangely "the feeling" doesn't let you answer them. "The feeling" justifies their arguments & suggests that maybe they are right.
You have read up on enough self-help books but when the self cannot help itself, what's the point? These books make you feel empowered for a minute, but then the "nagging feeling" knocks on the door very next day & says "Did you miss me ?"
"Do the things right now which you want to. There'll come a day when you wake up & won't have time to do it at all."
You think about those things like learning to swim, drive, exercising daily. But then "feeling" comes along & says "Don't you remember what I told you in the beginning? YOU JUST CANNOT DO IT! SO, BACK OFF!."
Every day goes by in the same way, with the dilemma never getting resolved: Will this "feeling" ever go away or it's going to stay forever?
There's a part of you somewhere which still hopes. There's a tiny hope that maybe better things will come along. The "maybe" which lets you hold on to the future. "Yes, maybe things will get better. Maybe when one door shuts, another opens". So, you hold on, welcoming the future with your arms wide open. Every cloud has a silver lining. Maybe you'll see yours someday when everything will fall into its place. This is when you'll realise this is where you were supposed to be all along. Till then,